Tag: Mom

Three Months Later: An Update

A little over three months ago, my mother was tragically taken from my family by a fatigued driver. The three words that could describe the grieving process:

  1. Horrendous
  2. Unfathomable
  3. Gut-wrenching

There are literally no words to describe the loss of a parent, let alone a sudden loss. I have been dealing with so many things, trying to be an adult, and keep my head above the water. Sometimes it seems to be too much.

Not only did this happen, but I also wrecked a new car (I’ll admit: it was due to MY error). Due to this, though, my hood hit my windshield as I was driving to a job interview. Luckily, I hadn’t made it out of town and my neighbor, who also happens to be a police officer, was able to get me some help.

I’ve rented my first car (and had my first budget due to spending so much on my rent-a-car), I’ve been able to start moving stuff over to my new apartment, I’m starting to realize life is hard anyway (no matter the struggle) and I’m learning to be more honest about my mental health, my life, and my future.

One thing I’ve realized: I’M DONE WITH SCHOOL FOR A WHILE AFTER COMMUNITY COLLEGE!

That’s right: JUST DONE (especially if this new job at Dillard’s works out).

There’s also nothing wrong with that.

My mother didn’t even get her associate’s degree. I will get mine.

I have no other option.

So, what have I learned in the past three months? It’s okay not to have everything figured out.

Sometimes, you just have to go with flow. Sometimes, you have to learn to surrender. Sometimes, you have to learn to LET GO and LET GOD!

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All That Remains

I am realizing that I am very blessed with the support system that I have. So is my brother, of course, but I’m definitely taking advantage of the support system. All these people that have supported us, the family that has let me stay at their residence while all this has happened, and my family who have been nothing but supportive.

It’s been a week and a half since the death of my mother, but I’m realizing that I will survive. There is pain and suffering that is very real and that is not down-played, because it sucks!

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Somehow, someway…I am making it.

My church family has been super supportive and I am very blessed to have these individuals as a part of my support system. My church family, in particular, have been loving on me (and my brother) so much with support, prayers, and love beyond compare.

All that remains is heartache and confusion, but that doesn’t mean that’s what will be the end result. This doesn’t mean that I am doomed for eternity to feel nothing but this heartache too deep for human comprehension. I am not going to die because of this. I will survive, I will move on at some point, and I am allowed to mourn.