Tag: College talk

Bird Set Free: One Month Later

“I don’t care if I sing off key, I find myself in my melodies, I sing for love, I sing for me, I’ll shout it out like a bird set free.” -Sia

It’s been a month since my mother passed away, since this 21 (almost 22) year old had to grow up quite a bit. Although it’s been in little ways, it’s still been a process.

In this process, I’ve realized that my own family do not have my best interest in mind, after all.

Why do I say that? They wanted me to plead that I am incompetent.

Yes, you read that right. INCOMPETENT!!!

My family is convinced that because I have high-functioning Asperger’s and because I have Bipolar II disorder, I am incompetent.

How does this make me feel…?

This is the main question that I’ve gotten.

Plain and simple: I’m…fucking…pissed.

My mother happened to do a lot to shelter me as much as she could be I was her “special” child. My mother wanted me to have a safe place so to speak, someone to help provide for me, and someone to be there to support me.

My mother did me a disservice.

My mother should not have done this for me.

My mother should have let me grow up.

I love my mother with every fiber of my being, but I’ve learned to do SO MANY THINGS since her passing.

For example, I drove through downtown Houston to meet with a lawyer. Most 21-year-olds don’t have a reason to drive that far. Do they? Sure! That doesn’t mean they have a reason.

I’m learning to take care of myself.

Just because I need a place to stay, doesn’t mean I can’t drive, cook, clean up after myself, go to school, get a job, and LEARN!

That’s what life is! A LEARNING PROCESS!!

I can do this, I will do this, and I will show every person who thinks I cannot.

I AM A BIRD SET FREE.

Wanting Something More? I Know I Do!

Wanting Something More? I Know I Do!

Recently, I have come to a quarter-life crisis. I have started to wonder if life is all about school and working and just watching life pass you. Now, obviously this isn’t the case. I didn’t plan on saying, “Well, of course! I’ll go to school and do nothing fun for the rest of my life. That sounds like a GREAT idea!”

What I am saying, though, is sometimes we don’t always think about life plans…or we think too hard about them. For me, I’m the latter of the two. I had been putting so much pressure on myself to go to school and finish my degree. Honestly: I DON’T EVEN KNOW ENTIRELY WHAT MY DEGREE SHOULD BE! I’m interested in SO many things that (if I had the money) I would major in EVERY SINGLE SUBJECT I COULD! However, this is far from my situation. I’m so broke that I can barely pay for my car insurance, let alone personal expenses. Luckily, I have a job, but I don’t even make close to $10,000/yr. Yes, I said $10,000 A YEAR! I’m still living at home with my mom and finishing school.

Now, I’m 21 (almost 22), finishing community college in the span of four years., still living with mom, and needing a change in career prospects. In other words: I’m tired, ready to start my own life, and wanting a change in pace. Not all of this is bad, because I’ve definitely grown a lot, especially in the past few months alone. My prayers, however, have definitely sounded something like: “God, what the hell is going on?!?!” or “Jesus, help me…PLEASE”.

Faith is important, because it’s the only thing that has gotten me this far in my life. I’m trusting God during this time of searching: for a job, for adventure, and for myself. Are you wanting something more? Good…because I know I am as well. We’ll go on this journey together.