If you read my past blog post, you know that my mother was killed in a car wreck. What you may not know is that I am dealing with family that I either haven’t spoken to in a very long time or that I am left to be the adult in a world full of children.
One thing IS certain: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MY MOTHER DID ALL OF THIS!
My mother had to deal with my grandparents (my grandfather has been pretty chill about everything, but my grandmother makes me want to smack the air), my father has been here (read my Father’s Day post to really understand my thoughts on that), and there are family that I am reconnecting with…good…bad…and otherwise.
Right now, I am in a storm of confusion and hell on earth.
Right now, I am trying to keep my head on straight.
Right now, everything is crashing down…and that’s okay.
My mom always said, “It’s okay to breakdown. What’s not okay is to shutdown”. She was right.
There is a complete difference in losing your shit and losing your mind. Losing your shit is when you have a breakdown. Losing your mind is when you shutdown completely…nothing goes in OR out! That’s not okay. That’s not something I can do…or that YOU can do.
Right now, it’s not about being strong, even when dealing with family. It’s about acceptance. It’s about stilling yourself. It’s about being the bigger person.
Now, I can’t promise you that I will continue to talk to my father or his family after this whole ordeal. In fact, I believe that somethings are going to ensue its own shitshow of its own.
Until that happens, I am keeping my heart guarded, my mind as clear as I can, and keeping God in the loop.
Momma didn’t raise no fool 😉